I'm not alright...that's why I need You.

I am horrible at keeping up with blogs and whatnot, but we will see how I do with this thing!  As I just graduated in December, I am embarking on a new chapter in my life.  Having to move home and leave College Station with all of my friends was one of the hardest things that I've had to do.  While for months I thought it was horrible and I would never get over leaving everything behind, I am now coming to the realization that this might be the best thing for me.  


Due to living in Hempstead where there is no one and nothing to do, I have been reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  I have already learned so much from this.  One of the most humbling and touching things I read (it actually brought me to tears) was when they brought me to the realization that as much as girls want to be pursued and wanted and needed...God wants that too.  And he wants that from me.  He is crazy about me and wants me to pursue him in the same way I would want someone to pursue me.  For me, this was an "aha" moment where the puzzle pieces began to fit together as I realized that He truly is able to understand me, my wants, and desires.  From this book I have also learned that in order for me to truly let Him inside of me, I have to allow myself to completely hand control over to Him.  This is incredibly hard for me as I like to put up a wall.  A HUGE wall.  A wall in which very few get past these days.  In order to begin this process of allowing Him to help me overcome these things, I have to admit that I am not alright (another area in which I struggle with).    I don't like to admit these things.  But, as I drove home tonight and was praying, I remembered the lyrics to the song "I'm Not Alright" by Sanctus Real.  These lyrics really say what my heart is crying out right now.  


I still have a long way to go, but I'll end this rambling with my favorite lines in the song...


Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
'til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on.